Time to take off the running shoes

This past week and into the weekend has been a blur. There has been a constant business. I love being busy but this has been insane. I feel as though I can not think straight or focus, but all I can think of is sleeping or the next thing I need to do. By yesterday afternoon I felt like a truck ran over me - not physically but emotionally. Everything in me was dragging. I couldn't shake this horrible feeling of wanting to run away from this place God has brought me. Feelings of being secluded from everyone, not fitting in, every measly joke just so cutting... just not like me. I knew something was wrong but I wasn't recognizing it. It took our worship pastor, Gil, stepping in and being like we need to pray for you and the rest of the leaders, Sidney and Weston, came and laid hands on me. Something definitely lifted off of me and a peace came over me. There was no doubt in my heart or mind that I needed to be on stage. Something was about to happen. I wiped the tears from my face and stood boldly and led worship before the Lord and with a group of people, my church family, that I love so much. God came and fell so mightily in that place.

For the past 3-4 months we have led in the mornings and every other week at Visualite on Sunday nights. I've always had this love for each Sunday we were privileged to lead worship at the Visualite. Gil came to Weston and I about a month ago and asked us to pray/think about leading that campus. It was an exciting and odd thought all at the same time. We both kind of felt pushed out of the way since we would only be leading one service instead of 3, but something started to grow in us as we acknowledged this as an opportunity to step up, be true leaders, and be on our faces before Him in a new way. Most of the people who attend are unchurched and do not know how to really worship. Sometimes we'd be on stage having an amazing time of worship and you'd open your eyes to look into the a crowd of blank still faces. So disheartening, but I believe God is going to use us to change this. I believe He is going to use us to lead by example, to train other musicians how to use their talents and worship God at the same time, and network with other churches and bring unity within musicians in Charlotte. I know God has something completely new for that place and He's got our hearts open and ready. I know the Devil has been trying to tear it down, break it up, and completely destroy it by using our hearts and emotions. I've spent the last month being shoved around unable to sleep well, eat well, or function. I haven't been myself. It's been so hard. I see all too well now this storm I've been in was way more than just a test of God asking me to trust Him, it was more of God saying trust me, stay with me, draw near to me because I have something so amazing for you. I am so privileged to jump head first into this new role and to be a vessel of God. I've been filled up and emptied out. I am broken for Him and the call He's put on my life. I am ready.