putting on my pants... one leg at a time.

Where to even begin. I feel that way almost every day doing menial tasks and not so menial tasks. It should be as simple as 1 - 2 - 3, but somehow the sudden drop in the track takes you by surprise and butterflies more than flutter in your stomach. A flood of thoughts fill your mind and you try to remind yourself why you decided to get on this ride in the first place. I wonder who is really living within reality or who has conned their heart into believing everything is ok. This world is a crazy one in which we exist based on feelings. Last night someone said to me "Life just isn't that hard". The truth is... it is... when we are trying to carry it all on our own. We weren't designed to do so - our hearts just can not contain all the hurt thrown at us, let alone someone elses. How in the world have I been alive the last few weeks? How can you focus on positives when craps being thrown in your face? It's like a healing wound that you just keep picking at the scab. Pour some Jesus on it and let Him fix it. That's exactly what I think I finally realized. I can't heal my heart with any more words or tears. I can't walk away or abandon the place I'm in because I know that what's in our heart and on our backs will just come with us. It's about making a choice where you are at. To take off the back pack that has been overflowing with junk and hand it over. Why in the world do we carry it around til we are gasping for air, our legs are about to give out, and we have no strength left? Why do we try to accomplish God-tasks when there is no way we ever could?

It's simple really. God's asked us to put one pant leg on at a time. He didn't ask us to command the pants onto our bodies or sew them to ourselves or anything crazy like that. He said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28). So simple. So wonderful. My burden is off, it's at His feet. My heart has been exposed with hurt for too long. I will let His word be my stitches, my crutch, my foundation. This is my resolution.