Holding On

I feel as though I have not had much time to reflect with traveling and staying so busy over the weekend. But there is always a need to release what is in my heart even when I'm not even sure what is going on in there. Florida was a breath of fresh air. It was so nice to be pampered for a few days in a luxurious hotel and consume as much food as I could eat. Though by Friday afternoon I was very ready to come back to my home in Charlotte. I've been here now for over 4 years. I never thought I would ever consider this home, but it is. It is where my heart is. I was telling a friend yesterday that the holidays are so hard for me because I want to see my family, but still be here with my family. There is something about this city that is familiar and when I think of Charlotte I think of love. Ask me that when I first moved here, I would have shot you down. Not literally, but isn't it wonderful how God changes our hearts?

Something that has been on repeat in my heart is remembering when God tells me to move to move and to stand still that I wait, to be quiet and listen and to speak and be bold... Yesterday I woke up after a night of tossing and turning and felt like I was suppose to go to visit another church - one that I've wanted to visit for a while now. I mulled over every excuse in the book, but I made myself get up and go. It was good for my spirit to go and just worship as a member of the body of Christ, to have communion for the first time in years, and to feel new and beautiful. Yesterday was a day I'm not sure I can explain. Much like my heart. I keep feeling as though I've lost a key that would unlock this treasure of beauty, but the truth is, God is holding the key and holding my treasure. It's one of the hardest things to see and touch the very thing your heart longs for, but know that you must wait. Waiting on God is some what of a foreign concept. I've talked about this before, but the truth is, we are so used to getting pumped to get up and go and do whatever it is we feel God asked us to do that we fail to remember that there is beauty and peace and strength when we wait upon Him. It is amazing to be broken because I know God is so near to me. He feels every ache, hears every cry, and sees every tear. His arms are wrapped so tightly around you - you may not know it, but He is... I couldn't bare to think what I'd feel like if He was even one inch away from where He is now. He has gone before us and walked the exact steps we are walking. As for me, I've made a nice butt print in the sand, my head is burrowed deeply in His chest to hear His very heart beat. I will command my heart to be patient and my mind to cease any anxious thoughts. My life is a vessel for Him and nothing less. I will not settle. I will not run away. I will proclaim His promises. I will trust. And I will be victorious.