my heart

With no reason to fret, no reason to be anxious, no reason to worry... however, my heart is still sad. I wonder if God hears me. I know that is a silly statement. Of course He is listening, I just don't think my heart is grasping His words... believing them as truth. Why should I ever doubt or fear my Father? I hear Him but am awaiting failure. Maybe I just fear another let down or another piece of me to break. I honestly don't know if there is much left to break. I feel like I'm down to my core. There is one tiny little ounce I'm afraid of letting go. I know it's necessary, but I fear it won't come back. I know I must surrender. I have no choice. I just wish things would happen a little faster than the slow pace they are at. Maybe the rate at which time appears to move is much different than reality. God's moving hearts - I can see it, I feel it. Why on earth am I doubting? God, I need this to pass. I need to trust completely... 99.9% will hardly do. So God... here's my written confession. Dated. I lay this down. This love deep inside. My most cherished thing next to You. It's Yours. I know You are holding it now. You are re-shaping it into what You can use. For Your glory. No more tears... for the time of mourning is over.