sleep?

I should be sleeping right now and yet I'm laying in bed after a failed attempt. I think the 2 hour nap this afternoon destroyed an early bedtime... maybe I should have said "early". Possibly a blog entry will enable my mind to rest. So here we go... or I go.

Yesterday was a different day. I woke up at the crack of dawn - literally, to ready myself to serve at church. I always ask myself why I do this as I'm shutting the alarm off, yet I keep doing it because I know it's worth it. I hadn't sung with the main team for a few weeks and hadn't led a song in months, but I was asked to sing the song 'Til I See You'. Here are the words:

The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You

You are the voice that calls the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in you

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name

The song was scheduled to be sung at the end of the set. I was so excited to sing. To just give it all I had. And as the drums started the song, I felt my spirit jump. It was totally God's spirit speaking through this song and my vocal chords. I haven't sung like this either in a long time or ever. My heart just poured out... the line "You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me"... was just for me. And when the bridge began, I couldn't contain myself... I wanted to give every part of me to Him. If only I could sing exactly what my heart is feeling. How worthy is our God?

The entire worship was amazing. I was actually jumping during the song 'You'll Come'. I never jump. I can't even explain it except that I couldn't stand still. It was crazy. God is doing something amazing in my life and those around me. He is using me to speak wisdom and truth. I can no longer be silent. The time of mourning I endured this past year is definitely over. I am a changed being. I am standing on solid ground. I am confident in His word, in His voice, in His love. Life is what I speak, Worship is what I live, and Love is what I give.