Questions in Waiting.

There are so many times in our lives when situations occur and we are left completely baffled. I for one... am in the middle of one right now. If any part of this made sense right now - would I have more peace? I am not sure. I guess I should consider myself blessed that for the most part I am at peace. I'm sad but I'm at peace. My heart fully knows God is in control and His ways are good and His timing is perfect. Maybe in a few days or weeks I will have an answer for this time. Maybe in the days to come this will be a fleeting thought. Generally, nothing is ever a fleeting thought to me... but this could be the exception.

I would like to send one text right now... that says "I hate this." I'm not sure what good it will do. It's over. Decisions have been made... now to live life in acceptance of those decisions. I'm not a fan of relationships. I'm not convinced they are even worth it.... somehow I find myself back in the same place, wondering the same exact things. Wondering how nothing makes sense and knowing that soon I will figure it all out... God does make it clear. It's not a matter of life or death... just wondering why this or that doesn't "work out" for us. I feel like God has majorly refined my heart in the last 5 months or so... does that not come with a greater prize than just the refinement? Why am I not satisfied with that? Why do I feel as though it merits a reward? I feel filled with so many questions. Like a whining child, I want an answer right now. All I feel God saying is to rest and be still. Seems like that is the answer I always hear in the times when I just want to run and make something happen. Maybe I am really hearing God... I keep questioning if it's Him or me just trying to make up something He's telling me. I have to be confident that my Father is at work. He knows where hearts lie and the intentions within. Why am I not satisfied with waiting on His perfect timing? Round and round I go. I know this time around I'm not kicking and screaming as I have in the past. I am sitting in my secret place where He has met me with His peace. I am surrounded in worship and love. I know He is near to me at this hour. I know He is repositioning hearts. I know He is shaping. I do not know the outcome... not sure I want to right now. Maybe waiting in this place isn't so bad at all?