mystery

After talking with a dear friend of mine, I felt as though her words had painted the mirror image of my own heart. The feelings, the motions, the prayers... Possibly only a half of a step ahead of her, feeling some-what confident, but fighting failure. Somewhere along the way the smokey smell of defeat had soaked into the threads of my clothing. No matter what direction I turned, it was following me.

Since I live on the other side of the universe, otherwise known as Charlotte, my late night drives are either done in silence or passed with a phone call to some unsuspecting soul that just might be awake. I was lucky enough for the other end of the line to pick up. We chatted about things involving their life and back about mine. The past few days I haven't felt like myself. The confidence I had walked in for the last month was fading. Instead, it was replaced with despair. I wondered to myself multiple times how I had sunk back into the pit I had battled so long to climb out of. Questioned by the reasons for all this made me think about words I had spoken earlier. Part of our duties as Christ followers is to die to our flesh daily:

Luke 9:23 (New International Version)

23Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

Which in part means declaring to our souls and our minds and our bodies that the Word of God is truth and claiming His promises. Peace, patience, perseverance, grace, faith, trust... all gifts He has given so freely - ours for the taking! As I was talking about this, God gave me a picture of a baby learning to walk. No one expects an immobile child to just all of a sudden stand up and walk. In the beginning, a child must learn to pull himself up to a standing position. After much practice comes the attempted first step - wobbly and unsteady, followed by an immediate fall. These steps are repeated for quite some time. As we stand upon His promises and step out in faith - we are bound to fall and make mistakes and sometimes it might hurt - alot. Even in the midst of pain, we don't give up. Our goal is far too glorious to remain in a heap on the floor. Deep down we just want to make it across the room to the outstretched arms awaiting us with a giant smile and a voice that is crying out with joy, "COME ON! YOU CAN DO IT!"

It's never promised to us that stepping out in faith will be easy or painless. In fact the Bible is full of people stepping out, putting faith into action and waiting for God to do His thing - doesn't always tell us how their hearts despaired. God doesn't supply us with the details of His plans, but thankfully He did give us the Holy Spirit - who is there to guide us and move us in the right direction, to comfort us in times of defeat, and remind us that we CAN do it.