I need these all in 10 fold right now. 3 more hours left to work. I wish there was a way to fast forward. Naeme was preaching about enjoying the season you are in, but I really am not enjoying this. I'm no longer heart broken. I'm not hurting. I'm flat out struggling. I have the most delightful , most beautiful, most desirable temptations in my face and me denying it is like climbing Mount Everest. I'm just about to the top... I'd be a bit farther but I've been sitting in a giant pitt of muck which I think I mistook for vat of chocolate. Why is denying yourself so difficult? I've found when I'm in a place like this - I start to deny myself other things like food and sleep... mostly. Reflecting a bit the last couple of weeks, I've realized I haven't purchased clothing or much of anything cept too much starbucks. Thats the next thing to go. No more fraps for a while. Anyone who knows me, knows I am in LOVE with java chip fraps. This should be fun to see how long this lasts.
I didn't sleep very well the past 2 nights. I realized during worship last night that I was heading down the wrong path again mainly because I had put off the inevitable. I could see myself losing ground and I was reaching out for what ever I could to reel everything back in. Confrontation sucks for both parties. It wasn't something I wanted to address or verbalize to this person. Facing the facts for both of us will be a hard swallow, but someone had to do it. So I did. I've got nothing in reply. It's to be expected. He's angry with my decision. At least it's the only logical conclusion I can scrounge up. All day I've been wondering if I made the right choice. Am I ready to put to rest this relationship? No more special times with this person. No more one on one hang outs or secretly traded smiles in a crowded room. I've decided that God is more important and the purity of my heart is what He longs for... and so it is. This is my sacrifice. It's a pretty big one.
God.... just give me the strength to make it thru this.....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment